X A celebrity couple who adopt a Third-World baby and call it Rain Forest. X Guys who want to shake my hand even though we just saw each other an hour ago. X People who move their lips-when I'm talking! X People who know a lot of prayers by heart. X People with a small patch of natural white hair who think it makes them look interesting. X Guys in their fifties who flash me the peace sign and really mean it. X Men who propose marriage on the giant TV screen at a sports stadium. X People over 40 who can't put on reading glasses without making self-conscious remarks about their advancing age. X Guys who always harmonize the last few notes of "Happy Birthday." My attitude? It wasn't their stuff to begin with. Of candy bars and six magazines and head for the gate. And now dishman wants to know if it's okay to use Turkish traveler's checks. Why does the genetic defectiveĪhead of me choose this moment to purchase a complete set of dishes and a new fall wardrobe? What is this, fuckin' Macy's? And of course, the clerk lady has to carefully wrap each dish separately, but she's working realįast-because she's eighty-nine!! Plus she's from Sri Lanka. Folks, carry some fuckin' money around, will ya? It comes in handy! No one should be borrowing moneyįrom a bank at 18 percent interest to buy a loaf of bread.Īnd what about these cretins at the airport gift shop who think somehow they're in the Mall of America? It's an airport! I'm standin' there with one newspaper and a pack of gum I gotta get to my plane. When a guy who's buying a simple jar of spaghetti sauce tries to pay with a letter of credit from the Bank of Liechtenstein. People! Take my word for this: Tic Tacs is not a major purchase.
Here's something I can do without: People ahead of me on the supermarket line who are paying for an inexpensive item by credit card or personal check.
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